The mind is confused. The various permutations between a “YES” and a “NO” are being analysed. For every ‘YES’, there is a counter ‘NO’ .A war is being waged within the grey cells, an internal war called decision making. The battle is being fought between the “Rationale” and “Emotional “half in me. History has it that they have seldom agreed during a decision making process. ‘Internal Ego‘ fails to provide space for the other.

Amidst their battle, I lay wide awake at 3 in the morning, seeking a solution to my current predicament. As I restlessly turn sides in bed, I chide myself for being indecisive. I have grown old enough to take decisions, but yet have failed to say a ‘Yes ‘or a ‘No’ during the last 24 hours. With every passing minute, time seems to be running against me.

I have been an ‘advisor’ all my life. My friends have always looked up to me for solutions. I am known for giving sound advice. My track record has been impeccable. My flawless decisions were lauded. Today, when it matters most – Iam a terrible failure.

As I continue to think, life seems mysterious. The harder I think, I am further drawn into a world of ambiguity. Every second my mind seems to be swaying, the decisions varying. My blood pressure may have hit the peak. An electro-cardio graph at this moment would be doctor’s fantasy.

I ponder in thought whether the current predicament is an opportunity in disguise. The rationale within me says “Opportunity knocks only once, learn to grab it“.

The emotional half detests. “Better safe, than sorry “.

The rationale counters “Luck favours the brave”.

“My decision ought to fetch me a bravery award”, I aimlessly joke, in order to prevent further ‘infighting’ between the brain cells.

“I need rest “, I tell myself as the clock strikes 4. In a desperate move, I pull over the blanket and shut my eyes. My exhausted body, that has been bearing the brunt of a confused mind, finally overpowers the brain cells. Before I could realise, I was snoring to glory.

It’s 8 in the morning when my eyelids give in to the sunlight sneaking through windowpane. As I slip out of bed, I’m reminded of the indecisive problem. The designated time for an answer is fast approaching. I need to decide. I am left with little choice.

When the inevitable approaches, you prepare your mind for it.

“What is the worst that could happen? “, I ask myself and feel relieved that I have little to loose.

The human mind is tricky. It never gives answers without ambiguity. What seems simple and straightforward to others, is highly complicated when it comes to oneself.
Despite my evading tactics to keep the mind cool, I continue to remain nervous and confused with every passing minute.

As a last resort, I pick two pieces of paper and scribble a ‘Yes’ and a ‘No’. A draw of lots would decide my fate.

At the first instance I get a ‘No’ .

Dissatisfied I draw the lots again for a decisive result. The chit reads ‘Yes ‘.

It’s furthers my confusion that I tear the chits in frustration, abusing myself at resorting to superstition.

Unable to withstand the pressure any further, I ring my mother;

“Every decision has an outcome and learning. You will learn from your decisions “she says.” Make Your Choice”.

Life for once seems light as the fear of failure slowly dissipates into thin air. With my new found courage I finally make a decision and punch in the message “YES”. As I pressed the send button, there was a sudden silence in the ‘internal atmosphere’. The battle ground had been cleared and for once and it seemed there was never a tinge of confusion or doubt in my mind. I wondered why it took me this long to decide. Happy at having finally made a decision, I sat enjoying the warmth of the sun on a cool winter morning. Life is not so complicated after all!

When the mind is confused and you fail to decide.

“Just go with the flow and take a decision!”

Every decision has a hidden message of goodness and learning. Life is about making choices. Make your choice between a ‘Yes’ and a ‘No’, either way you will be right.

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